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How to Increase Self Esteem
The purpose of this article is to draw your attention to how to increase self-esteem. Those with low self-esteem create a STORY in their minds related to low self-esteem.
Let’s be clear – you were born worthy of high self-esteem. You only have to look at children to see how self-centered they are. You didn’t convince your parents to love you when you were young – you were born as an expression of the love they had for each other.
In cases where children are abandoned, there is a greater spiritual message to be gained. I have seen such people go on to create wonderful lives for themselves and in the process impact others along the way. Their abandonment paved the way for their ultimate success as leaders of their community.
There are no accidents in the universe. You may unknowingly perceive them as such. Appreciating the small role you play in orchestrating the universe, you realize that the true meaning of everything that happens in your life is for your highest good.
Below is a list of inaccurate self-esteem beliefs that you may have created as a result of your life experiences. Over time, you assign meaning to them by replaying them in your mind. They serve as a cozy friend that you know all too well. As a result, you adopt them as an aspect of your character. They are:
- I will never achieve anything.
- I am not worthy to receive love.
- I am not worthy of loving myself.
- I am not worthy of loving others.
- I am not worthy to succeed.
- I am not worthy to receive money and success.
- I am not worthy to receive.
Such mental chatter alters the inner landscape of your thoughts by influencing your subconscious. Over time, you accept these thoughts as fixed beliefs about your identity. It is my purpose in writing this article, to advise you how to recognize and shift the inner dialogue to a more conducive mental state.
Left unchecked, low self-esteem has a cascade of ripple effects on your life. It creeps up on you and silently leaps into situations you might not expect. Relationships and career are two main areas where there is direct influence.
You might be involved in a romantic relationship only to find feelings of unworthiness and self-esteem arise. These thoughts will convince you that you are not good enough to be with this person or that you cannot meet their romantic expectations. Subsequently, you find yourself embroiled in arguments with your beloved due to the mental programs you have accepted.
The hidden meaning behind low self-esteem is self-realization and self-acceptance. It is the journey to unconditional love; despite your insecurities and past mistakes. When you accept and love yourself, you allow others to do the same. You allow others to love you unconditionally. You create a space filled with love, kindness and respect – honoring your authentic nature.
The first step towards revealing your unconscious beliefs is through self-examination. It is worth cautioning that at some point you may wish to seek the help and/or advice of a qualified therapist who is knowledgeable in the area. Often there are only a number of possible inner examinations without the help of an outside authority. A trained therapist is able to see aspects of your repressed self that you are not trained to see.
Self-examination should not be a critical process. You don’t have to pass judgment on yourself or others – it’s more about looking back through a window in time and just observing. Observe when the belief about your self-worth started. Was it during childhood, adolescence or adulthood? Who was involved in the scene? Was it a loved one or a respected authority?
Again, observe the main actors in the scene and note the feelings that arise. Become aware of where these feelings emanate from your body and “be” with them; do not fight them or resist them. They advise you to give in to them, in order to free yourself from the inaccurate belief you have formed.
Personally, I find it helpful to write these beliefs down on a piece of paper during this process. Let your mind be at peace by accepting whatever comes up. Do not resist the thoughts that arise. You are not labeling thoughts right now – you are simply a passenger on your way to ultimate freedom. Ask yourself if the belief is true in your current life?
Some of the beliefs could be framed in the following way. I have italicized the inaccurate beliefs:
- My father told me I will never be anything when I did something wrong.
- I’ve never been good at sports at school and compared myself to other children.
- My high school teacher told me i was not good at math and would be never go to college.
- My mother was always critical of those with whom I chose to socialize as a teenager. She felt I could do better.
Once you have gone through this process, you should notice lightness throughout your body – as if you have lifted a burden off your shoulders. Your job is done when the thought no longer brings you the pain it once caused you. Sometimes you have to dig deeper to uncover the belief that may be hidden deep within another unconscious belief. Keep digging until you find the thought related to your feelings.
The final process is to write a new story relating to the outdated belief. The new story seeks to replace the old belief with a thought story. The unconscious mind readily accepts what the conscious mind believes with conviction. With that in mind (pardon the pun), make the new story believable so it’s easily and effortlessly adopted. It is of little use to create a belief around an unattainable goal or goal, i.e. I am now a multimillionaire.
Here are examples of what the new beliefs might be:
- I am open and receptive to loving myself deeply and completely. In doing so, I give permission for others to love me in the same way.
- I have nothing to prove to others, except to accept myself unconditionally.
- No one has the power to reject me.
- No one has permission to tell me I’m unworthy. It all starts and ends with me
Repeat these statements often until you feel comfortable with them – you will know when you feel a powerful energy emerging from within. Personally, I find when affirming a powerful belief, a tingle radiate down my spine.
So, to recap – in order to increase self-esteem, work on the following principles until the new belief is cemented in your mind:
1. Undertake regular self-examination of thought or belief.
2. Observe the thoughts that arise. Don’t start a dialogue with them.
3. Challenge the belief by asking if the statements are true.
4. Observe if there is resistance to the belief you are challenging.
5. Notice in your body where you feel resistance.
6. Create a new set of beliefs that are in harmony with your mind and body.
Be diligent and consistent with the process. In some cases, there will be deeply buried emotions that you may not want to dig up. They can trigger pent up feelings that you may not want to deal with. It is important for this reason that you undertake this process when you are ready and willing to do the work.
It is comforting to know that once you begin this process, you will no longer be a victim of your past. You will have freed yourself from unhealthy emotions that do nothing to harness your personal growth. Be patient and kind to yourself during the process.
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